I want this:

So that next time I run into this:

I don’t have to get close to it. EEEK!

Brad wasn’t even home. He had a client meeting up in Charleston. I didn’t know if I could handle this guy! He was HUGE!!! My first thought was mouse when I walked by the shower in my groggy state. I certainly woke up quick! After hyperventalating (I HATE spiders) I debated back and forth for 20 minutes about what to do.  I knew I had to kill him. Trying to figure out how to catch him and put him outside was out of the question. And if I left him alone he would probably carry Ezra or Kenzie off while they were napping. That’s how big he was. It took several smashings and he was still alive! Our shower drain has extra large holes and I thought I could wash his mangled spidery corpse down the drain, but he didn’t even come close to fitting! I get shivers just thinking about it! Ick!

But wait! The story doesn’t end there. As a lovely parting gift this spider left us… hundreds of offspring! We stayed up late last night killing spider after spider after spider. We went to bed with some major skin crawling. Big time heebie jeebies.

And while I’m at it I may as well share another creepy crawly story from a couple of months ago. After drying off after a shower and I went to hang my towel up and discovered what? A big ol’ spider on my towel! Big time violation!! So not cool! This eight legged pervert was a fraction of the size of the spider pictured, but still  Way, way too close for comfort.

*Post Edit: The spider didn’t release it’s offspring when I smashed it. (Although that did happen to my mom one time. Gross!!) No, the egg sack was left in my little boys room. Lovely. Here we are trying to read our scriptures before bed when we notice hundreds of tiny spiders jumping around us. Luckily they were small or I might have passed out.

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Okay. I know this is gross, but it is just too weird not to post about. You know how in the summer the occasional fly comes in the house when the door gets opened? It happens every once in a while when we let Kenzie in from outside, but we can usually shoo them back outside. When we got up this morning we had several flies in the kitchen. One is rare. Two is unusual. Five is just crazy! My house is clean and there are no points of entry for them to get in on their own. I don’t know how they got in! I don’t happen to own a fly swatter so I didn’t have a game plan for getting rid of these guys. I just hoped that they would leave with Kenzie or die of old age in a day or two so I left them alone. Then they started intruding. First with breakfast, then just started buzz bombing us.  So I decided to put out a trap. You know the saying “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar” ? That’s a load of crap. I put out a little bit of honey on a plate to try and trap them. Didn’t work. In fact, they started multiplying. No joke! When a few of them started swarming Ezra while he was trying to ride his car (he was swatting at them like crazy) I’d had enough. They were going down! I grabbed the Windex and went on the attack. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. They were dropping like flies! Six. Seven. Eight. I was right about them multiplying! Was there some sort of cloning device in my house somewhere?? The fly body count ended up reaching into the mid twenties! What the heck? ICK! Well, they’re all gone. I’ll let you know if this freakish fly anomaly occurs tomorrow!

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